job funnies
Ian & Pam Dorion dorioni@ipa.net
Fri, 27 Feb 1998 22:26:26 -0600 (00888661586, 199802280428.WAA01285@siren.ipa.net)
IAN
Dennis, I think these came from some of the Christians on your list. You
know, the ones that don't need Rnglish and spelling lessons.
>Date: Fri, 27 Feb 1998 11:28:18 -0800 (PST)
>
>How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life
>examples:
>
>"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to
>complete projects on time is unspeakable."
>
>"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in
>accounting."
>
>"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
>
>"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
>
>"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
>
>"I am a rabid typist."
>
>"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a
>gourmet pig mail order service on the side."
>
>"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for
>business."
>
>"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
>
>"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
>
>"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and
>absolutely no one."
>
>"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
>
>"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
>
>"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were
>unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
>
>"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in
>meteroology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
>
>"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."
>
>"I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to
my
>resume on my office voicemanil."
>
>"Qualifications: No education or experience."
>
>"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
>
>"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
>
>"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
>
>Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you
>shorty!"
>
>[forwarded by Mark Rayburn]
>
>!