Strictly ON TOPIC
Ian & Pam Dorion dorioni@ipa.net
Sat, 14 Feb 1998 07:08:52 -0600 (00887483332, 199802141311.HAA00772@thunder.ipa.net)
IAN
A friend sent me this. I just thought it was apprpriate.
>THE TOP 15 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE (original author unknown)
>
>* Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head,
trim
>her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy
21:11-13)
>
>* Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)
>
>* Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
>(Moses--Exodus 2:16-21)
>
>* Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
>(Boaz--Ruth 4:5-10)
>
>* Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and
>carry her off to be your wife. (Benjaminites--Judges 21:19-25)
>
>* Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost
>you. (Adam--Genesis 2:19-24)
>
>* Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage.
Get
>tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for
>the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen
>years of toil for a wife. (Jacob--Genesis 29:15-30)
>
>* Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get
his
>daughter for a wife. (David--1 Samuel 18:27)
>
>* Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
>definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) (Cain--Genesis
>4:16-17)
>
>* Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Xerxes
or
>Ahasuerus--Esther 2:3-4)
>
>* When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have
>seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your
>decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
>(Samson--Judges 14:1-3)
>
>* Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though).
>(David--2 Samuel 11)
>
>* Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good
>idea; it's the law.) (Onana and Boaz--Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example
in
>Ruth)
>
>* Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. (Solomon--1
Kings
>11:1-3)
>
>* A wife?...NOT? (Paul--1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
>
>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>TOP 7 WAYS TO ACQUIRE A HUSBAND (from J. Duin)
>
>* Have your husband act like a jerk toward a famous warlord while you
>secretly show up at the warlord's camp with muleloads of tasty provisions,
>at which point the warlord falls in love with you, after which point you
>inform your husband of the whole matter, at which point he has a stroke,
>dies and you marry the warlord.
>
>* Show up at a threshing floor (if you can find one anywhere outside of
>Kansas) in the dead of night an uncover the feet of the best-looking guy
>there.
>
>* Go to any old watering hole and start filling the watering jars of the
>guy with the most camels.
>
>* Have your good-looking sister lure someone to marry here but substitute
>yourself for her on their wedding night.
>
>* Hang around barren women and offer to be a concubine for their
husbands'
>need. for heirs.
>
>* Take a bath naked on your roof preferably in view of some nearby
>apartment buildings.
>
>* Make like a prostitute around guys who hear from God that they need to
>marry you to show the country the nature of their idolatrous ways.
>
>(You'll havta figure out the references yourself...)
>
>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!